Passing Eternities

“Each time you love

love as deeply

as if it were

forever

only nothing is

eternal.”*

Young people are often told that we go scurrying to each other’s arms in search of physical affection and from a lack of self confidence. It is assumed that we cannot establish deep relationships. I have been told on multiple occasions that relationships are only worth the end result. Basically, if I cannot see myself with this person for a very long time, than why date them at all?

And to some extent all of these things are true…for some.

What if I said I go into relationships expecting them to end? I’ve gotten negative reactions to that statement. Many seem to think that it means the quality of the relationship will be poor. Is it because people automatically think that it will have less commitment?

What if commitment didn’t mean undying loyalty until the end of life, but mutual understanding and support until there was an decision to find a more healthy way of living? What if the pain that resulted was not something to be afraid of, but something to learn from?

I have NO intention of belonging to someone.

I suppose it could be said that I am missing the point of relationship by asking for something that I refuse to consider permanent.

But since when has there been a point?

I am seeking connection with people and through connection, be it friend, romantic, or familial, you grow and understand. When you make a friend, you do not walk into your interactions thinking This friendship is only as good as the length of time I have it for and that length should be forever. You realize that it will shift based on your mutual needs.

I desperately need relationships of many types in my world.

But in no way do I need them to feel whole. My being will never be defined by another soul, no matter how we choose to work together, but I will love them with all I am able to give for the health of all involved.

 

Clearly the only thing I am searching for is someone to hold me. Can’t you tell?

 

*A stanza from Audre Lorde’s poem “For Each of You.”

2 thoughts on “Passing Eternities

  1. I love this post SO much! I agree with you completely!! I have done both kinds of relationships now and by far my favorite has been when I have expected it to end! Because what I then experienced was being completely present during every interaction and not worrying about expectations for what I would “get” from it or the length of time it would last. It took me years and experience to see relationships this way. One of my favorite things I’ve read about relationships is by Eckhart Tolle. He said that relationships aren’t meant to make us happy, they’re meant to wake us up. At this point in my life, I know how to make myself happy and I know better than to try and place that on anything or anyone outside of myself. After all, when we’re looking for happiness in people or things outside of ourselves, we set ourselves up for disappointment and hurt when things change or go away. I believe that the best thing we can give anyone is our time and undivided attention when we are with them. To live presently in whatever relationship we find ourselves in, be it friend, family, lover etc, is the best thing we can do for ourselves and the other person. That way of being is awesome because you live with no regrets because you embrace the connection so fully while you have it, never knowing if it will be your last day spent together. You stay present and you don’t ever take the person or the connection for granted. In my experience, that means that when the relationship ends, you are just left with the memories of beautiful moments that you shared, no regrets, and no hard feelings because you always lived knowing that the end was a possibility regardless of the how and why. I am in awe of your level of questioning as to why relationships tend to have such strong expectations placed on them. It has taken me this long to learn this the “hard” way, and you not only know this, but are able to verbalized it in such a beautiful way! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts on relationships. I really enjoyed it and could completely relate! Authenticity always leads to beautiful connections. If you combine your level of authenticity with your strong intuition, AND living completely in the moment enjoying whatever connections you make with people, you are going to experience such an amazing level of love and joy in this life! And I can’t wait to read about it! You are incredible! Keep it up!❤️🙂

    Liked by 1 person

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