“Each time you love
love as deeply
as if it were
only nothing is
Young people are often told that we go scurrying to each other’s arms in search of physical affection and from a lack of self confidence. It is assumed that we cannot establish deep relationships. I have been told on multiple occasions that relationships are only worth the end result. Basically, if I cannot see myself with this person for a very long time, than why date them at all?
And to some extent all of these things are true…for some.
What if I said I go into relationships expecting them to end? I’ve gotten negative reactions to that statement. Many seem to think that it means the quality of the relationship will be poor. Is it because people automatically think that it will have less commitment?
What if commitment didn’t mean undying loyalty until the end of life, but mutual understanding and support until there was an decision to find a more healthy way of living? What if the pain that resulted was not something to be afraid of, but something to learn from?
I have NO intention of belonging to someone.
I suppose it could be said that I am missing the point of relationship by asking for something that I refuse to consider permanent.
But since when has there been a point?
I am seeking connection with people and through connection, be it friend, romantic, or familial, you grow and understand. When you make a friend, you do not walk into your interactions thinking This friendship is only as good as the length of time I have it for and that length should be forever. You realize that it will shift based on your mutual needs.
I desperately need relationships of many types in my world.
But in no way do I need them to feel whole. My being will never be defined by another soul, no matter how we choose to work together, but I will love them with all I am able to give for the health of all involved.
Clearly the only thing I am searching for is someone to hold me. Can’t you tell?
*A stanza from Audre Lorde’s poem “For Each of You.”